Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Women shop a lot more from the doctor

In the last Daily Dose, I surely got myself in hot water with at least half my audience by citing some new science that gives credence to the age-old notion that women are bigger chatterboxes — er, I mean more comprehensive communicators — than men are…

Well, now there’s some new data validating another stereotype of women the civilized world over: That they tend to shop a lot.

According to another recent article in the UK Daily Mail (Male?), a survey study of 3,000 British women revealed some staggering factoids about every girl’s favorite pastime. If the research is right, the average UK woman:
Makes 301 shopping trips per year for all purposes combined (1 every 29 hours)
“Window-shops” 51 times annually, for a total of more than 2 full days
Spends a combined total of 4 days per year in the supermarket alone
Devotes 90 shopping excursions specifically to finding shoes, clothes, accessories and toiletries for herself
Expends more than one full waking day (18 hours) shopping ONLY for personal deodorants, shower gels, and razors
Makes 19 total shopping quests per year in search of gifts for friends and family
And perhaps the most astounding finding of all: The average UK woman will spend MORE THAN 8 YEARS OF HER LIFE shopping!

Now, before you go and assume that I’m being judgmental or ridiculing of the fairer sex, I want you to think about this: What would the existence of most of the men in these women’s lives be like if they DIDN’T spend so much time in search of the ultimate bargains, tastiest food, and most perfect fashion accessories?

Keep reading…

What would men’s lives be like if their women weren’t borderline shop-a-holics?

I’ll tell you what they’d be like: Dull, boring, colorless, lifeless, curtain-less, TV-dinner-eating, ratty-old-clothes-wearing, greeting card-less, newspaper gift-wrapped, candle-less, smelly-bathroom-ed, unscented-soaped, plain-toweled, holiday-decoration-less, dirt-yarded, ugly-housed, sexless, romance-less, and vacation-less…

Not to mention damn near without a moment’s peace — since their women would always be home instead of out shopping.

I’m serious here, folks. Men can take care of themselves, but not well. They’re hard-wired to think only of the essentials. The big picture. Just about all of the details that make life truly worth living come to us from our women. A lot of men I’ve known bitch about the credit card bills and all the stuff their ladies buy — but they’re failing to consider what those dollars are REALLY buying…

Time to themselves and happiness for their ladies (which equals happiness for them).

What they don’t realize is that this is one of the truly great differences in the sexes that men should appreciate above all other things. Women’s drive to acquire beautiful things, stockpile provisions, and keep themselves (and you) looking as pretty as possible should be nurtured at all costs.

Especially now, during the holidays. So cut loose the plastic, boys, and give your girls the gift they really want this Christmas: A first-class shopping trip (or 10 of them)…

I promise the benefits will come back to you far more than most of the money you could spend on yourself or your own hobbies.

Hopefully not offending about the realities of spending,

William Campbell Douglass II, M.D.

P.S. Lest you think I’m a raving sexist, I’d be willing to bet this: If ever there were a study conducted about the average man’s absorption of sports on TV, I’ll bet it would give the girls’ shopping time a run for its money…

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