Sunday, May 18, 2008

The power of sensative thought

Do you believe in the Carter principle of men women relationships? Can relationships be fixed?

The Pleasure Principle
Men and women want to feel good in their lives and in their relationships. If you're constantly freaking out on a manabout something he's doing or saying, you're quickly turning into a person who isn't fun to be around. He just won't feel that good around you. This has a huge impact on whether or not he'll want to invest more time and energy into you and your relationship. Or if he'll decide to give up on trying to fixwhat's going on so you can both feel good together.

Emotional Experience and the Future
The way a woman acts in "little" situations become indicators to a man about how she'll respond when things REALLY get tough in the future. So if a woman is constantly emotional or negative, even when a man does what he can to "reassure" her... he isn't going to believe thingswill get better the longer he's with her.
He's going to feel as if he has to "walk on eggshells" around you, and that doesn't make ANYONE feel good about staying in a relationship.

Lost Feelings of Attraction Sure, love is important to a man. But experiencing those addicting and exciting feelings of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he loves are just as important.
Because when a man feels ATTRACTION and love,working out the little problems is a piece of cake. When he stops feeling that connection, he'llforget why he's with you in the first place, and the relationship will start to feel like a whole bunch of "work" to him.
(By the way, trying to "fix" things by talking about working on "the relationship" is a big mistake. A man wants to DO fun and enjoyable THINGS together - not talk - to know it's working) Sometimes a man will say he cares about you,or maybe even loves you, but he'll admit he's not "in love" with you.If you've ever heard that from your man, it's a symptom that he's not feeling that gut-level of ATTRACTION for you, despite having affectionate feelings for you. Creating that gut-level of attraction and sharing that attraction is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matterwhat. I'm not talking about physical attraction,either.I'm talking about the EMOTIONAL and INTELLECTUAL attraction that comes from a deeper,more subconscious place.

A man wants to be with a woman who brings something BETTER to his life, not take away his time, energy and emotional "stability." So when a woman doesn't have much going on for herself or her life BESIDES the relationship,it's a big red flag to the man. It tells him she focuses too much on the relationship as the source of her happiness. She stops hanging out with her friends as much, she stops focusing on her own interests or hobbies and she feels "controlled" by the relationship in some way. This not only looks "needy" to a man, but he realizes she isn't bringing a lot into the relationship on her own. How can you tell you're guilty of this? Have you ever said this to yourself after abreak-up:
"I can't believe how I lost touch with my friends while I was with that guy." "I can't believe I let him control me like that." "Where did my life go?" "What happened to the REAL ME? I wasted so much time in that relationship, when I could have been doing things for myself or my future."
The reality is that no man and no relationship can or should be EVERYTHING to you. You shouldn't have to sacrifice all yourtime and energy on a man. And the point is, he doesn't WANT you to. At least, no mature, "together" man will want you to.(Controlling, psychotic men? Well, that's another story.)

"She's Trying to Fix Me"
A man can and will change and compromise for a woman. It's a fact. I see it all the time when men let go of their "bachelor lifestyles" for one special woman. But a man has to have his OWN REASONS to change. A lot of women try to change a man by showing him how it will affect THEM as a couple,not him alone. People are motivated by things THEY WANT, not by things others want. If you want a man to change, you have to try to show him how it willbenefit him and him alone, not you or your relationship. Just remember, if a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship and he isn't feeling or experiencing too many of the above "reasons" for leaving, then any issues you have will feel like small bumps in the road to him. He'll be confident, open, and secure about working things out with you. And here's something you'll want to know... Trying to figure things out on your own with a man, and hoping you'll suddenly start reconnecting with him when things haven't been going well for days, weeks, or even months is like making a risky bet with money you can't afford to lose.

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