Integrated Medicine review

Making Integrated Medicine Work for You

Recent years have witnessed a sea of change in the way we think about health. Whereas in the past health was measured by the absence of disease, many people now understand "good health" to mean enhancing wellness, staying fit, looking their best and building vitality. They want the edge that comes with mental sharpness, so more people are focused on maintaining all their senses and faculties as they age. The good news is that medicine is responding, as doctors are increasingly open to the use of "alternative" treatment methods and hospitals are opening integrated medicine departments.

The problem is that while it's getting easier to find doctors and medical facilities promising to deliver "integrative care that treats the whole patient," it's far more difficult to find doctors who have the proper training and background. An authority on integrated medicine is Leo Galland, MD, an internist in private practice in New York City and author of Power Healing: Use the New Integrated Medicine to Cure Yourself. Dr. Galland is the director of the Foundation for Integrated Medicine. He and I have spoken often about the challenges of this evolving medical environment. Given the growth in integrated offerings, we felt it was time to review what's real and what's not when considering these types of practitioners/treatment centers.

Dr. Galland said that one of the biggest problems is that integrated health care has different meanings for different people -- including to physicians and patients. Hence it's not easy to find truly skilled practitioners, but there are ways to screen doctors to improve the odds you will find one you can work with successfully. Here's what we discussed...


The Best of Both Integrated (also known as integrative) medicine reflects an approach to health that blends conventional medicine with complementary approaches to health care, including nutrition, naturopathic and herbal medicine, homeopathy, acupuncture and mind-body therapies such as meditation and yoga. The idea is to take the best of all worlds -- embracing complementary concepts such as wellness and prevention while also availing ourselves of the cutting-edge, sometimes life-saving technologies offered by modern medicine.

As Dr. Galland sees it, modern medicine is built around the theory of diseases. A physician determines what disease seems to be causing symptoms for an individual, notes the diagnostic code in the patient's chart and insurance form, and then proceeds to give the standard symptom-suppressing drugs and procedures for that diagnosis. Often the result is that symptoms that don't fit neatly are ignored or deemed irrelevant. In contrast, complementary medicine views the "whole" person, looking at all aspects of poor health, physical and otherwise.

These medical professionals explore the physical and emotional disharmonies or imbalances that led the person to get ill. Both of these approaches are combined in integrated medicine, says Dr. Galland, which leads to enhanced wellness and improved outcomes.

According to Dr. Galland, integrated medicine views each patient in terms of "the four pillars of healing"...

• Relationship: A person's support network of family, friends and community.
• Diet and lifestyle: Nutrition habits and the daily pattern of rest and exercise.
• A healthy environment: Protection from exposure to chemical and biological toxins.
• Detoxification: The body's innate ability to self-purify and protect itself from internal toxicity.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN AN INTEGRATED PRACTITIONER As more doctors seek to capitalize on health trends by hanging shingles calling themselves integrated practitioners, it's important for consumers to know how to locate a medical professional with adequate training and experience in this field. This is not so easy, it turns out. While there are thousands of integrated physicians around the country, no standardized training, credentials or accreditation exists for integrated medicine.

There's no reliable Web site to consult where you can find qualified practitioners. All too often, MDs who take a class or weekend seminar on a specific subject position themselves as "qualified" to practice in that area -- they may not be, for two reasons.

• First, according to Dr. Galland, they likely haven't taken a course that teaches the full topic adequately... and
• second, much like the problem with Western medicine in general, such a singular view as is taught in a class leads the practitioner to focus on an isolated process (the symptom, the treatment) which is more accurately understood as functioning as part of a whole system.
• Since he believes advertising can't be trusted, Dr. Galland says the best way to find a good integrated physician is by referral from friends or other health care professionals you trust. Once you've identified a candidate, request his/her CV to see what schooling they've had -- both conventional and complementary -- and schedule a meeting to talk before you go for a complete medical exam.

You should expect that an integrative practice will dedicate more time for this initial visit -- and indeed, subsequent ones as well -- than you are used to spending with a medical doctor. This is your chance to get to know this physician and to determine whether he/she is the right expert to help navigate your path to wellness. Ask lots of questions. Dr. Galland suggests these, for a start:
What medical education has the doctor received? This is important, says Dr. Galland, since conventional training is often more quantifiable than its complementary counterparts. You'll want to know what medical school he/she attended... whether the doctor is currently board-certified... and in what specialties.

Ask the doctor to describe the ways in which the medical practice is "integrated." What complementary training did this physician undergo? Which complementary systems is the practice based upon? How long has he/she been practicing the complementary modalities? Where did he/she study the complementary practices and for how long?

How much experience has the doctor had with your particular medical problem? What kinds of treatment are generally recommended for it? Nutritional? Environmental? Acupuncture? Homeopathy? Herbal therapies? Conventional treatment? You should seek out a doctor who has treated at least a few patients with problems similar to yours and is willing to be clear and open about the outcomes. Each of those questions is important -- but in the end there's one more, and it's to be asked of yourself.

"Am I confident in this doctor's skills and do I feel listened to, cared for and comfortable in his/her presence?" Because, as I have said before -- and will say again and again, no doubt -- even with the best doctors, you are the person who must ultimately take responsibility for your own health and wellness.

success means courage of your convictions and your moneytree

Success Secrets from Mike Wallace, Mary Higgins Clark, J.K. Rowling and More

Dyan Machan ow did Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes become TV's most celebrated investigative reporter? How did Mary Higgins Clark become one of the world's highest-paid writers? How did Diane von Furstenberg come to head a multimillion-dollar fashion empire? Certainly they all have talent, but plenty of talented people never reach the top. Talent leads to extraordinary success only when it is paired with smart decision making. As J.K. Rowling wrote in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Scholastic), "It is our choices... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

How do successful people make the right choices and manage to see things through? By doing the following...

1. Get more credit for accomplishments. We might get a bonus or a promotion for an idea that makes our employer money, but most of the spoils go to the company. Capturing a significant share of those gains for ourselves can mean the difference between a solid career and a hugely successful one.
Example: Michael Flatley, star of the hit Irish step-dancing show Riverdance, left in 1995 to start his own show, Lord of the Dance. He had seen the money other people were making from his dancing and risked his savings to make those profits his. He gives his net worth now as close to half a billion dollars.

2. Stand out from the pack. Doing what everyone else is doing rarely leads to extraordinary success.

Making the leap from talented to spectacularly successful often involves a decision to take the untrodden road.
Example: Shoe designer Kenneth Cole spent his entire advertising budget for 1986 on an ad about AIDS that ran on billboards and in 23 magazines. His advisers warned him that it could kill his company to be associated with the disease. Instead, the ad campaign generated so much buzz that it helped him stand out in the crowded shoe market.

3. Discover what is really important. Sometimes a crisis or tragedy can force us to reevaluate our lives.
Example: In the 1950s and early 1960s, Mike Wallace made a good living reporting the news, hosting game shows and appearing in commercials. Only after his 19-year-old son, Peter, died in 1962 did he devote himself to investigative reporting. The tragedy convinced him to make a change despite the financial risks.

4. Find a role model for facing fear. Diane von Furstenberg, founder of a hugely successful clothing company, reminds herself that her mother survived a Nazi concentration camp. Compared with that, what is there to be afraid of in a career decision?
Successful people tend to understand that it isn't our failures we'll regret at the end of our lives -- it's the opportunities we let slip away.
Example: Drew Nieporent, founding chef of famed New York restaurant Nobu, learned to take risks because his parents could not. His father talked for years about buying New York City real estate but was too scared to take the plunge. His indecision cost him millions of dollars in potential profits. Nieporent decided that when he had an idea he believed in, he would act.

5. Know what's worth the risk for you. Successful people don't always know that their crucial decisions will work out when they make them, but they are willing to take the risks to pursue their dreams.
Example: Singer Sting had a burning desire to be a musician, so he left a secure job with Inland Revenue (England's IRS) for a job as a teacher. The shorter hours gave him time to pursue his music.

6. Remember, there are second chances. The old saying about opportunity knocking only once isn't always correct. If we work hard and interact with a wide circle of people, we might get multiple shots at making life-changing decisions.
Example: Mystery writer Mary Higgins Clark's first book, a biographical novel about George Washington, was a commercial disaster. She determined that thrillers sold better and got back to work. She now makes more than $12 million per book.

Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Dyan Machan, an award-winning financial journalist, based in Ridgewood, New Jersey. She is researching a forthcoming book about decision-making.
FOREVER YOUNG

How to Get Cash in a Flash your money tree
Madeline Noveck, CFP
Novos Planning Associates, Inc. uppose life throws you a curve ball and you need money fast. Where can you get the cash? Options -- and traps to watch out for...

LOW OR NO COST
1. Ask your employer for an advance. The terms may be informal or written as a promissory note. This option works best when the need for immediate cash is very small and the boss is approachable.
2. Borrow from your relatives. This quick fix comes with emotional potholes. If you don't repay the money, there may be resentment from the lender, as well as from other relatives who may feel slighted or jealous.
What to do: Use a formal promissory note stating the interest rate and repayment terms.
Trap: Without such a written note, the IRS may bar the lender from writing off a bad loan on grounds that it was a gift.
Caution: Such a loan doesn't have to bear interest. But if it does, the lender must report that interest as income. If the loan exceeds $10,000, and the interest is below the applicable federal rate (AFR) -- currently just under 5% -- the lender must report not only the actual interest, if any, but also the "imputed interest," which is the difference between the actual interest and the AFR.
More information: At the IRS Web site, www.irs.gov, type "applicable federal rate" into the search box.
RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS
3. Borrow from your 401(k). If your plan allows it, under federal law, you can borrow up to 50% of your vested account balance or $50,000, whichever is less. You usually have up to five years to repay the loan.
Advantages: You can't be rejected for the loan -- you may only need to make a phone call to the plan administrator or complete a short loan form... the interest rate, set by the plan, will be relatively low -- usually a couple of points above the prime rate, currently 6% (this is low compared with credit card rates, which can be up to 25%). The interest you pay goes back into the account.
Disadvantages: The money borrowed diminishes what could be saved for retirement... if you leave the company before repaying the loan, you must pay it back -- any outstanding balance will otherwise be treated as a taxable distribution (and subject to a 10% penalty if you're under age 59½).
4. Tap your IRA. Pledging an IRA as collateral for a loan or "borrowing" from it is treated as a taxable distribution (subject to a 10% penalty if you're under age 59½). But you can use money from your IRA for 60 days, tax and penalty free.
Big danger: You must replace (redeposit) the money in any of your IRA accounts within 60 days, or pay tax on it. Whatever isn't put back becomes taxable as ordinary income.
Caution: You can make only one such withdrawal/redeposit, called a rollover, within a one-year period.
COMMERCIAL ALTERNATIVES
5. Borrow against your life insurance policy. If you have a cash-value life insurance policy (whole or universal life), you can borrow against the amount accumulated in your account. Just call your insurance agent or insurance company to receive a check within 48 hours to two weeks.
Borrowing limit: The cash value in the policy.
In today's market, the annual interest rate on such a loan is about 7%, but many companies will reduce the dividends they credit to your account for as long as you have the loan -- in effect, upping the interest rate. Usually, you can repay funds when and to the extent you choose, but if payments don't at least cover interest, the cash value of your policy continues to be further depleted because the interest not paid is subtracted from the cash value.
6. Use a margin account. Margin borrowing allows you to leverage securities you hold at a brokerage firm to access a convenient line of credit -- using checks issued by the firm to access your line or by receiving a broker's check (often the same day you ask for it). You can even have the funds wired to your bank account. All you need to do for this kind of borrowing is sign a margin account agreement.
Limit: 50% of the current market value of a stock... 90% for Treasury and agency bonds... 70% for corporate bonds... and 60% for municipal bonds. Some securities (e.g., equities trading below $3 a share) are excluded.
Interest rates, which are based on the broker call rate (the broker's cost of money), vary and the more you borrow, the lower the interest rate.
Example: Fidelity's rate for borrowing less than $10,000 is currently 11.075%, but borrowing $500,000 or more has a 6% rate.
Note: Interest on margin accounts may be tax deductible as investment interest by those who itemize deductions. You must use the money to buy or carry investments, and you must have investment income at least equal to the investment interest. You must also not be borrowing against tax-exempt securities.
Caution: If the value of the securities falls below a certain level while your loan is outstanding, you'll get a margin call -- a demand from a broker to provide money or securities to bring the value of the account back to the required level. You'll have to sell some of your holdings to cover the shortfall if you don't find other money to pay down the margin debt.
7. Get a home-equity line of credit (HELOC). Your bank will approve you for a specific amount of credit. Many lenders set the limit on a HELOC by taking a percentage of a home's appraised value and subtracting the balance on the existing mortgage, if any. The process can take a week or more to arrange, but once the line is in place, you can write checks against it.
HELOCs typically use variable interest rates based on the prime rate (current HELOC rates are around 7.5%). Look for a lender that will waive all costs of establishing the loan, such as an application fee, an appraisal fee and closing costs.

HIGH-COST OPTIONS
8. Take a cash advance from a credit card.
Drawbacks: Very high interest rates -- rates for advances typically range from 20% to 25%, in contrast to the average rate on credit card purchases of around 16% to 17%. In addition, cash advances usually carry an up-front fee of 2% to 4% of the amount advanced.
9. Borrow from a pawnshop. Pawnshops are in the business of making short-term, small-money loans, with personal items used as collateral. A pawnbroker will appraise your jewelry, small appliances, musical instruments or other items and typically lend 50% of the retail value. Interest rates and fees for these loans are state regulated, but the term of the loan is usually 30 days to several months and the fees are generally high.
Example: New York pawnbrokers have a collateral loan period of four months, and the interest rate is 4% a month, which means an annual percentage rate (APR) of 48%. There may also be a service charge -- the maximum charge for loans between $50 and $100 is $3 (loans above $100 are $5). If you don't pay back on time, your collateral can be sold.
10. Take a "payday" loan. If your employer won't give you a wage advance, consider a payday or "fast cash" loan.
These loans (offered at payday loan stores and at such sites as www.wegivecash.com, www.ordercashnow.com and www.credit.com) are popular because they're easy and quick to arrange -- you can get funds in as little as one hour.
These loans don't require a credit check -- they're based on just a few criteria, such as the applicant's monthly wages (usually a minimum of $1,000). The maximum loan amount is between $500 and $1,500, and the loans are for short periods, usually one to four weeks.
These loans are pricey -- finance costs (fees) run from $25 to $45, regardless of the size of the loan. Sounds reasonable? It's not. Charging $45 for a two-week loan is the equivalent of $1,170 for a year. If you borrowed $300, that's an APR of 390%!

Bottom Line/Retirement interviewed Madeline Noveck, CFP, president, Novos Planning Associates, Inc., a financial planning and investment company, 28 W. 44 St., New York City 10036, and a past president of the Institute of Certified Financial Planners (now the Financial Planning Association).

make stress work for you

on How Stress Can Help You

Americans are stressing out as never before. Last year, a survey of 1,848 people by the American Psychological Association found that a disturbing 70% of respondents reported having physical and psychological symptoms of stress. But the survey also had some good news -- 60% of those polled said they would be motivated to change, including learning to manage stress more effectively, in order to feel better. With that encouraging news in mind, I called life coach and frequent Daily Health News contributor, Lauren Zander of the HandelGroup (www.handelgroup.com) for her unique advice on managing stress.

MUCH STRESS IS PERCEPTION
First, Lauren says, it is important to understand what stress really is. Sometimes stress comes from painful circumstances, like illness or loss of someone dear, that only time can heal. But there are loads of other potential stress triggers, from unpaid mortgages to difficult relationships or health problems, that you can do something about. These circumstances themselves do not create stress. Rather the stress results from how you respond to them. "Stress comes from wishing something were different and the worry that you cannot change it, which leads you to feel stuck," says Lauren. You feel upset, you feel helpless and the result is you feel "stressed."
However, Lauren doesn't believe we should always view stress as negative. She views it as a natural outcome of an increased desire for a better life. "We live in a smarter world today," she says, "and our agenda now is to do well for ourselves." Stress symptoms can serve as an invaluable ally to help people achieve a better life. They are an informing voice that tells us it's "time to do something" -- if we try to ignore the voice, it gets louder and more insistent. Lauren teaches her clients to make stress work for them, instead of against them. How? First step is learning to accept it as a positive force and motivator... kind of like a wake-up call or feedback from a good friend.

THE TWO LEVELS OF STRESS
Given that stress is a call to action, it is critical to investigate the nature of life stressors to decide what the appropriate action should be. There are two levels of stressors... the first, Type 1, belongs in what Lauren calls the "to-do" world. This incorporates bills, appointments, arrangements and the many other tasks that involve making and spending money and managing life as a grown-up. Although people moan and complain about the frustrations of handling these aspects of their lives, Lauren points out that in the to-do world there are always solutions. You may not love the solutions -- for example having to rein in spending habits to live within a compromised income, or disappoint someone by saying no to an invitation -- but they are there for you to find and implement.

Type 2 stressors, though, include the ones few people talk about... they are the "scary" ones in the world of emotion, says Lauren. Fear fuels many of these stressors -- fear that underneath it all you aren't capable... or lovable... or that your marriage is no longer working... or that you aren't attractive enough... or that you will get a terrible illness. The list of hidden stressors in the emotional world is long and complex, but this is where stress can be used to make life better, as we shall see.
If you feel stress because you've gained 15 pounds and don't feel sexy, that's a call to action -- but if you weigh the same as always and still feel undesirable, it's different. This feeling deserves a confession. You can "tell on yourself" to your husband or a friend, which is how to get what you need to feel better, such as a hug or a compliment, a "you're crazy, you have the best body and I love it!" Personally, I use funny consequences for "bad mind habits." When an inner dialogue causes stress, I charge myself a dollar if I dwell in those negative stressful thoughts longer than 30 seconds... and it stops me dead in my tracks. My "no harping" rules keep me from adding stressful thoughts and feelings to my life.

You can learn to view your worries as an alert to take an action to feel better. When you actually go to the gym, make the phone call you've been putting off, or pay the bill that's weighing you down, you will feel calmer. You will have heard what the stress is telling you and responded to it. It is only when you don't take such an action that stress continues to build. This is how your body and mind communicates about what is not working well in your life.

CUTTING STRESS DOWN TO SIZE
Once you recognize these two types of stress, it becomes feasible to take control of them on both levels. Here are Lauren's recommendations for doing that:
Start observing your crazy-makers, the things that annoy or irritate you. It may be easiest to make a list. Most, if not all of these are truly insignificant -- small stuff such as traffic or long lines. Stressing about them is useless. One way to eliminate the stress of crazy-makers is to alter whatever you can in your schedule or arrangements to decrease what annoys you so much. Leave earlier to escape heavy traffic, take care of errands on off-hours whenever possible... don't say yes to social invitations you don't really want to attend... that kind of thing. Changes like this will help, but a shift in attitude about them will likely help even more. Deflate the stress by refusing to take these situations so seriously or accept demands as "required" and you will see that their upset-quotient begins to diminish.
Write out the list of your responsibilities that fall somewhere between Type 1 and Type 2 stressors. These are in the "to-do" world and therefore, have "to-do" ways to solve them. Start with those that most distress you, but include them all. Big to-dos such as paying off debts or dealing with a difficult medical diagnosis for you or a loved one can seem especially difficult and overwhelming. Cull through the list slowly and carefully and come up with ways you can address these problems. Ask for help if you need it and consider the value of hiring someone when appropriate. For instance, if you have no time to clean your house, hiring someone will cost money of course, but it may pay dividends for you in time, positive energy and orderly surroundings.

The next challenge is the big one -- to take on the Type 2 stressors directly. Write out what you would like to change about you and your life. Oftentimes these desires live just under the surface as unconscious wishes and exist as stress because you are frustrated or unhappy with your current situation. The act of writing them out makes them conscious and gives you the means to evaluate their content. Your wishes might include a different career, living in another city, being nicer, thinner, or maybe more athletic. A good deal of your stress, though, may come from factors you cannot possibly change -- wanting to be young again, say -- or can't change now, such as moving. In those cases Lauren says a shift in attitude is mandatory. Pining away for something you cannot have -- ever or for the time being -- only heightens stress. It may feel hard to do this at first, but here is how you make such an attitude shift -- tell yourself that this is the way it is, just like some days its raining when you wish it was sunny. You can't control it, so you accept it. Once you accept the fact of your situation, realize that you are capable of living with it. Tough, yes, but you can do it... which leaves you free to move on to the stressors you can do something about now, and put this in the category of "later."

Now decide what life changes on your list you consider important enough to tackle... and gather ideas about how to achieve some solution. You may even find that among these are ways to address even the seemingly impossible ones. Let's say you wish your mate didn't have a serious disease, Parkinson's for instance, but you have accepted that you can't change the diagnosis. What can you do? Find activities that you and your partner can continue to participate in together, in spite of his/her disease. But remember, select just one or two areas to start with and take baby steps toward your goal. You will see that even small changes here and there bring you to a place where you do indeed feel better, says Lauren, and that you are not so stuck after all.

Stress will never go away. "It's called being alive," says Lauren. Once you see it as a necessary and useful tool to make life better, stress becomes your friendly messenger, an ever-present well of energy for you to draw from.

- Take a chill pill - siegholle@gmail.com

4 tips for battling stress
In addition to all of the other guidance I give you, take some time to put the following tips into your daily regimen when you can. They won't make stress go away, and they're not exactly the equivalent of a two-week Mediterranean cruise, but they'll help. Remember: it's important to battle the cumulative effects of stress, and these tips should help.
GET ANGRY!
It's OK to be annoyed; it's human. And when you bottle things up, you're just adding to the pile of cumulative stress. I'm not saying you need to flip out and scream at everyone around you, but when the going gets tough, it doesn't mean that you should just nod quietly and accept your bad luck. Tell your spouse they've upset you. Advise that co- worker that you're not fond of how they're behaving or that they're making your job more difficult. By asserting yourself and your opinion without losing control, you're actually venting stress. (Hmm…maybe that's why I'm one of the least stressed out people I know.)
SHIFT YOUR FOCUS
Get a hobby, or don't be shy about throwing yourself into the one that you already have. Don't let your schedule deny you the outlet that helps you free your mind. By concentrating your mind on the thing that brings you the most joy – whatever that may be, whether it's stamp collecting, exercise, dancing, or pottery – you're actually sloughing off stress, and giving your mind and body the time to recover. It's like a mini- vacation, and will stop the stress build up.
PUT THE CLOCK TO WORK FOR YOU
Nothing's more stressful than a deadline, and it only gets worse the closer it gets. If you can turn yourself in a better time manager, even the biggest project can be tackled with less stress. By managing your schedule, you avoid being overworked, which is often one of the most common causes of undue stress.
LAUGH OR CRY
Yup, another cliché. But like so many, it's true. Both laughing and crying are enormously effective ways to vent stress. If you've ever just busted a gut or bawled your eyes out, you know that afterwards there's often a great rush of good feeling (with a laugh) or a sense of relief (with a cry). You're human, and emotions are what make you that way. They're there for a reason: use them. Bottling them up leads to more stress. Not the usual advice I dispense, I know. But something that's always important to remember.
Taking a "chill pill" as the kids say,
William Campbell Douglass II, M.D.

Being effective with people you can' t stand

How to Deal with People You Can't Stand Rick Brinkman, ND


Many of us have people in our lives whom we can't stand. Often, there's no escaping interaction with these difficult people. However, even the most unpleasant situations can be made tolerable.
Most difficult people fall into one of the following categories, though some jump from category to category depending on the situation. Strategies for dealing with each type...

Tanks.
Pushy and confrontational, tanks come at us with guns blazing when they think we're causing them problems. Explanations won't calm them, and counterattacking could lead to all-out war.
What to do: Let the tank vent for up to 60 seconds. Remain calm and maintain eye contact -- looking down or backing away might make you seem weak or fearful, which will make the tank respect you even less. If the attack still hasn't ended, firmly repeat his/her name until he quiets. Then summarize his main point to show that you were listening, and explain why his interest is best served by calling off the attack. Tanks tend to be pragmatists, so this should work.

Example: "Dad. Dad. I know you don't like my long hair and the way I dress. But I flew all the way here for us to enjoy each other as a family. We can do that. Or I can leave right now. Your choice."

Snipers.
Snipers make rude or sarcastic comments or engage in malicious gossip. Their behavior often stems from suppressed anger or resentment that's unrelated to a specific encounter.
What to do: Call attention to their unpleasant behavior in front of a group. When a sniper insults you, immediately stop whatever you're doing, look right at the sniper, repeat the comment, then ask, "What's going on? What are you really trying to say?" If the joke or insult is irrelevant to the situation, add, "What does that have to do with this?" Keep your tone of voice innocent, not sarcastic or annoyed.

Important: Most snipers back down when confronted, but a few transform into tanks. Should this occur, use the strategy for dealing with tanks, above.
If the sniping continues, pick a private moment to ask, "All of this sniping at me... is something the matter between us?" If your question seems sincere, the sniper might open up and explain the underlying problem... or realize that he's gone too far and stop the behavior.

Know-it-alls.
Know-it-alls are sure that they're always right. In fact, they often are right -- but they have little regard for the opinions of others.
What to do: Though it may be hard to swallow, the only way to get anywhere with a know-it-all is to treat him with respect. Frequent use of lines like "Obviously you know your stuff," and "You always have something intelligent to say," should reduce his need to prove his brilliance to you. Repeat know-it-alls' opinions back to them so that they know you grasp them. Rather than offer your opinion to a know-it-all, ask questions that lead him to the answer you want. Never question a know-it-all's views directly, because this will only make him defensive and cause him to dig in his heels. If you think he's wrong, cite irrefutable outside sources, then ask how that affects his conclusions.
Example: Your know-it-all spouse says that there's only one island worth visiting for scuba diving, and only one time of year worth going. Your research suggests that there's a jellyfish problem on that island at that time of year. You say, "August sounds wonderful there, but I read an article in last June's Scuba Diving magazine about the August jellyfish problem. Should we consider a different island or month to avoid jellyfish?"

Think-they-know-it-alls.
These people act like know-it-alls, but they're usually wrong. They just enjoy the attention that acting like experts brings them.
What to do: Ask these people for specific examples until their lack of insight becomes obvious to all... or ask them follow-up questions. Then explain that anyone could have made this mistake so the would-be know-it-all doesn't feel backed into a corner.
Example: "I know your idea won't work because my friend considered doing the same thing. Turns out there are complex tax consequences that only an accountant would know about."
Grenades. Grenades explode unexpectedly, with little provocation. A grenade might begin a rant by blaming you for a specific problem, but by the end, he's likely to be venting about things that seem unrelated or even irrational. Unlike tanks, who focus on specific problems, grenades are mainly in search of attention.
What to do: Fight fire with fire. Get the grenade's attention by raising your voice to match his, calling his name and waving your hands in front of you (without getting too close to him). Keep your tone friendly as you do this. Use rant-interruption statements, such as "I don't want you to feel that way. No one should have to feel that way." Address the portion of the grenade's rambling rant that matters most to him, if it can be identified. (Often this central problem will be that he's not getting the attention he feels he deserves.)
Example: "We care about all the effort you put into this."
If appropriate, add that you love this person. Grenades need to cool off before they can talk rationally, so suggest meeting later if more discussion is required. If you must deal with a grenade regularly, learn to avoid the topics that tend to set him off.

Yes-people.
Yes-people want so badly to be loved and valued that they automatically agree to every request. Then they become overcommitted and can't deliver.
What to do: The key to living or working with a yes-person is providing reassurance that no one will hold his decisions against him. When necessary, walk these problem people through the decision-making process.
Example: A yes-person who already is spread too thin volunteers to assist with yet another project. Walk this person through each step that would be involved and how it would fit into his schedule until he understands that it isn't feasible for him.

Nothing-people.
Nothing people offer no feedback, and won't voice an opinion even when one is needed.
What to do: To drag a response out of a nothing-person, ask questions that require more than yes or no answers, such as "How do you want to proceed?" Then put on your best expectant look, and stare at this person -- for an uncomfortably long period of time, if need be. If staring fails, try guessing.
Example: "Are you mad at me because I got home late on Tuesday? Because I forgot to wash the dishes? Because of something I said?" Toss out guess after guess until one triggers a response.
If the nothing-person's only answer is "I don't know," ask him to guess. If he refuses, supply greatly exaggerated choices. When faced with exaggerations, most people supply an accurate answer.
Example: A contractor tells you he doesn't know how much a job will cost. You ask, "Well, is it $50? $50,000?" Inserting numbers that are way too low and way too high often will prod such a person into a reasonable response.

No-people/whiners.
No-people are defeatist... whiners feel overwhelmed by an unfair world. Oddly, these people become more defeatist or whinier when we try to solve their problems for them... or tell them that their problems are not really so bad.
What to do: Get these people to solve their own problems. Begin by getting to the specific problem. No-people/whiners will claim that the whole world is the problem. Insist that they name a concrete, relevant issue, then ask, "What do you think we should do about it?"
If no useful response is given, come up with an exaggerated solution to lighten the mood.
Example: "You say that the president of your bridge club doesn't respect you. OK -- let's have her killed. I'll start interviewing hit men on Monday."
If humor fails, establish a boundary. Say, "You don't want to think about solutions. When you do, let me know and I'll help."

Tips for savvy medical Web surfing - CNN.com

Tips for savvy medical Web surfing - CNN.com: "Tips for savvy medical Web surfing Story Highlights
It's safe to trust info from government Web sites, colleges and universities

The same is true for sites of large medical and research institutions

Use search engines that screen out unreliable information

Look at review articles in medical journals"

Knowledge is power -fire medical arrogance and ignorance

Naturally, the CNN.com article where I read about Dr. Golden goes on to list several "tips" to make you a "better patient" (read: a more docile patient that shuts up and obeys!). The number two tip? "Don't come in loaded with Internet printouts." In this tip, CNN.com takes a shot at the big-bad Internet that seems to be the enemy of both Big Media and Big Medicine. (I can't help but wonder if CNN.com includes its own health advice among the things you shouldn't bring up with your doctor.) To me, Dr. Golden is the poster boy for the arrogance and closed-mindedness that's rampant throughout the medical profession. I have little time for doctors who prefer to treat their patients as though they're just cars in for an oil change. I'm always encouraging you to question what's going on with your health, and I have no intention of changing. That's bad news for guys like Dr. Golden. And good news for your health. Fired up about "fired" patients, William Campbell Douglass II, M.D.

I have a headache Dear

Headaches From Sex?
Poll: Few People Who Say They Get Sex-Related Headaches Talk to a Doctor About it
By Miranda HittiWebMD Medical News

Feb. 15, 2008 -- In a National Headache Foundation survey of some 170 headache patients, 46% reported having had sex-related headaches.
The survey, conducted on the National Headache Foundation's web site during December, included 182 people, mainly women aged 21 and older.
Nearly all participants -- 96% -- reported getting headaches from any cause. The same percentage said they're sexually active.
When asked if sex has ever triggered a headache, 54% said no and 46% said yes. Sex-related headaches most often occurred after sex, the survey shows.
Among people reporting sex-related headaches, about 40% said they've cut back on their sexual activity because of their sex-related headaches, and only 12% said they've talked to a doctor about their sex-associated headaches.
That doesn't mean that sex is their only headache trigger. Among people who reported sex-related headaches, 42% reported having had no more than six of those headaches.
Not everyone got headaches from sex. In fact, 20% of participants noted sex eases their headaches and 6% report having sex more often for the headache relief.

no sex -we are too busy?

Surprising reasons you're not having sex
Story Highlights
Estimated 40 million in U.S. have "sexless marriage" (less than 10 times a year)
Medications can curb your libido; ask doctor about drugs' sexual side effects
Choose a nonsexual time to talk about it with your partner
By Leslie Goldman

Not getting any? You're not alone: Women today have less time for sex than their 1950s counterparts. And it's estimated that 40 million Americans have what experts call a sexless marriage (having sex less than 10 times a year).

Bringing too many distractions to bed can put a crimp in your sex life.

A regular sex life is good for your health. It can satisfy all sorts of emotional- and physical-intimacy needs and help partners stay close, says Anita H. Clayton, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at the University of Virginia and author of "Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy." So why the dry spell? You can chalk it up to a sheer lack of time, but there are a slew of other reasons, too -- from weight gain and perimenopause to technology overload (stop texting now) in the bedroom. Here's how to beat these sex busters.
Your bed isn't sexy anymore.

a relationship mythbuster

interesting comments and observations on common relationship myths- sensitively said of course

Peace and good will-when it is time to move on?

Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice form 100 Top Divorce Lawyers

Moving On
Life is like a book: some chapters are more difficult to get through than others. When I started living on my own again, I thought about how the new chapters of my own life were going to be written. I began to ask myself many questions. Can people actually be single and happy postdivorce? If they can, how do they achieve this? What is their secret? Is it like one of those new fad diets--just follow these few simple steps and, poof, a new you, easilytransformed while you sleep? Or can you only reach that elusive goal of happiness when you find that perfect mate--your knight in shining armor or damsel in distress? You need to manage the emotional agenda so you can look on divorce not as something that's dreadful, but as a passage that you can then learn from. There are learning curves involved in all passages. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to learn.Psychologist Dr. Bruce Derman, Woodland Hills, CaliforniaDivorce is about helping two people find a way to separate, yet some people just separate without working anything out.

I've known some wonderful people who, five or ten years after their divorce, were still bitter and angry, still asking, "Why me?" and, "How dare you?"There are couples that, many years after their divorce, are still fighting over many different issues. They've really never gotten over the emotional divorce. They are still holding onto emotional agendas. They say, "You've hurt me more than I've hurt you. I feel I was the right one in our marriage, not you." And when you are stuck in an emotional agenda, there's no time limit. It can go forever.

Psychologist Dr. Bruce Derman, Woodland Hills, California
Who did this attitude help? They were stuck in their past and finding it hard to live in the present. They were still so emotionally scarred--still walking around feeling wounded and bruised, still grieving and venting to anyone that would listen, still complaining about how their ex cheated them out of a life together. I didn't want to end up like this, so what could I do to move on?"Smart" refers to your head and how you are thinking about this. But a divorce that is not only smart but wise is one that also doesn't leave behind people's hearts, including broken hearts, as they go through this. A good mediation allows space for grieving so that at the end of this process, the couple has more than just a good settlement financially; they also have been able to have some closure on the ending of this marriage.

Mediator Dr. Carl D. Schneider, PhD, Mediation Matters, Bethesda, MarylandCoping with Your Ex After Divorce People have different emotions and experiences when disentangling from a former spouse. Some are saddened by the loss of the person with whom they had hoped to spend the rest of their life. Others are thrilled to finally be apart. Still others are required to maintain a relationship for the sake of the children. Some people never want to see or hear about their former partners ever again. Others try to keep tabs on them; they become competitive and curious about what the other is doing and who he or she is dating, and they can become saddened by seemingly being replaced so easily. Whatever the circumstances, this is new, uncharted territory that you need to explore in order to adjust and move forward.

Staying Sane Throughout Divorce
As I was divorcing, I went through a kaleidoscope of intense feelings: fear, anger, rage, sadness, guilt, shock, frustration, and relief. I wanted desperately to piece my world back together, but I didn't want to feel the emotions or even to face what had happened in my marriage. My grief and fear manifested itself in anxiety and physical aches and pains. Day after day, week after week, I waited impatiently--and impassively--for my fate to be altered. All I wanted was to feel happy again. When not enough happened, I sank deeper into helplessness, blaming myself for the pain thatmy children and I were feeling. The more helpless I felt, the more I resorted to the blame and shame game and played a victim. It seemed that no one understood what I was going through. It is a mystery to me how the English language can articulate "sad" in three mere letters. In the first year of divorcing, I was so sad, it felt like a country I had to walk through all alone.

What made me feel lonelier still is that everyone felt that they had the right to comment on what I was going through. Much unsolicited advice was given that, although well-intentioned, was absurd and inappropriate. I felt that friends and family didn't really understand what I was going through. How could they? I didn't understand myself.What You May Be Feeling--and What to Do About ItDivorce has become so common today that people underestimate how powerful an experience it truly is. People don't know how to react to divorced people.

When one loses a spouse through death, it is expected that there will be a mourning period, and people are respectful; whereas during divorce, people say things like "you're better off without him" or "I never liked her in the first place" and on and on. These types of comments don't make things betterand can actually make you feel worse. If they only knew all the emotions you were going through, they might not be so flippant.GriefGrief is not a mental disorder; it is a natural, if painful, emotion that must be worked through. Throughout my divorce, though, I would at times get stuck in my grief and feel paralyzed. I would vent and cry about the same issues over and over again. It certainly was not productive. Finally, my good friend said to me (a year after my separation) "you're very difficult to be around these days."

I guess I was releasing a lot of negative energy. No matter how supportive your friends and family are, they will get tired of hearing the same story over and over. If you're still telling that same story a year later, you're stuck. Feelings of sadness are part of a natural grieving process, but you must deal with them in order to move on.Grief presents an opportunity to make important choices and think about the life you want to lead. There is an incredible amount of emotional work and healing that needs to be done when you're grieving, especially during the first year or two of going through divorce.

The emotional healing is hugely important, and the idea of grieving is always there in divorce. It gets to a more basic strategy for dealing with anger, and that is, anger is an easy emotion, it's easy to be mad. It's a safe emotion too. But what you need to do is recognize how you are feeling, and then look beneath that feeling. And beneath the anger, other times there is grief. Other times there is longing, other times there is fear and anxiety.

Professor of Psychology and Director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law Dr. Robert E. Emery at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, Virginia

What Does the Grief Look Like?Mourning the loss of a marriage is similar to mourning the loss of a loved one through death, with a significant difference. You don't necessarily have the closure that you do with losing a loved one. If you share children together, then this person, whether you like it or not, is still in your life and a constant reminder of the loss. In dealing with the loss of a loved one, the healing process is a slow and steady upward incline. With divorce it's more like the Rocky Mountains, with emotions hitting many peaks and valleys and many bumps hidden within. You begin to move forward but then the holidays become set-backs, as you find yourself alone or you are no longer part of the annual traditions. A new relationship moves you forward, but if you lose that relationship it becomes another setback. If the legal side of divorce becomes overly stressful, you're set back even further. There is this jagged line going up and down because as you try to get better emotionally, these experiences seem to get in the way.The stages of grieving rarely happen to couples at exactly the same time.

It takes two to marry and only one to divorce. Many times, the decision to separate is made primarily by one person, blindsiding the person who was left. By the time the decision to leave the marriage has finally been communicated, the decision maker may have already grieved the loss of the marriage and is ready to move forward, while the one who was left is in shock and is years behind the other emotionally. So you've got a divorcing couple who are in different emotional states. One person is thinking "let's get this over with," and the other is saying, "whoah, I need to slow down, digest, and regroup."

Grieving during divorce is done individually, not as a couple. While you may think your spouse should be more concerned about how you are feeling, or vice versa, it's everyone for themselves. That can make the transition even more difficult. Not only are you forced to apply rational thought and reason at a time when you can't think straight, but you've quite possibly lost the concern and support of the person you trustedmost. Grieving is a three-part process with each phase having its own intense period of mourning. Each phase occurs in waves--highs and lows--and then gradually tapers off.

1. Love--the opposite of love is indifference. What you want to feel is a diminishing love. If you hate that person, it is still emotionally draining and time consuming.

2. Anger--the revenge, wanting your spouse to pay for this decision.

3. Sadness--thinking, what am I going to do?You are cycling back and forth through these stages.

You are grieving alone, you don't have a partner to grieve with, and you are grieving different losses. This causes you to wonder:Why doesn't he/she understand?Why is he/she so cold?Why is he/she so irrational?Professor of Psychology and Director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law Dr. Robert E. Emery at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, Virginia

The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice form 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors, and Other Experts (Chicago Review Press, July, 2007)
© 2007 by Deborah Moskovitch

Children make the difference

OLPC: The best designed notebook in the world
Robin Harris: The One Laptop Per Child is the best-designed notebook computer in the world. It just isn't designed for you. Get over it.
READ FULL STORY
Christopher Dawson: OLPC backlash

Family Time Calendar: Get Together - iVillage

Family Time Calendar: Get Together - iVillage: "Family Phone Chain
by Stacia Ragolia

Just a few weeks ago, you may have felt that you had had enough of your extended family. And now, of course, you and the kids are missing them all. It's too expensive to call each and every one of them, but why not use the principle of the game Telephone to get in touch with everyone by having them get in touch with each other.
What you'll need:

Your phone
Your phone book

What you'll do:
Choose one relative to call. After catching up with her, instruct her to call another person in the family, and tell her to pass it on. Eventually, the phone chain will make its way back to you and you can find out what everyone else in the family has been doing!"

Family Time Calendar: Get Crafty - iVillage

Family Time Calendar: Get Crafty - iVillage: "Winter's winds have left yards and parks littered with twigs, branches, dead leaves and other natural debris. But don't start spring yard cleanup yet. Gather the kids and collect as many twigs as you can find. Twigs are some of nature's free materials for clever crafts.
Try to find straight twigs with bark that's not peeling off. They should be no fatter than a carrot but not thinner than a pencil. If twigs are damp, let them dry before beginning these projects.

To make a twig frame, cut a piece of cardboard at least three or four inches wider than your photograph. Attach the photograph to the cardboard with double-sided tape. Kids can arrange similarly sized twigs around the photograph, snapping the twigs to fit each concentric row. When twigs are arranged tightly, glue them to the cardboard and let them dry thoroughly. Glue small acorns and pinecones on top of the twigs, if desired.

Kids can make a twig sign by arranging twigs to form a name or favorite word. Use hemp cord or unbleached twine to tie the twigs together. An adult can hot-glue the twig letters to a wood board, if desired.

Similarly, kids can arrange twigs into a star shape. Tie together with twine or hold together with hot glue. If desired, they can decorate the star with acrylic or tempera paints.

For a neat lesson, kids can arrange six equal-length twigs into a grid and tie the corners together with twine. Push this miniature trellis into a small houseplant (preferably one with trailing vines) and show kids how to train the vines to crawl up the trellis."

Lets beome creative again and teach self reliance

Finance fitness

Echecks as Compared with Other Forms of Payments Elizabeth Murrow


There are many forms of payment out there that one can use. Most businesses provide all forms of payment options to help attract more customers and for added increase in sales. You can choose from debit cards, credit cards, paper checks, echecks, ACH, Secure Electronic Transaction (SET) or even home banking. Despite the number of payment options out there, not all will be appealing to everyone. Some may prefer the use of debit cards over credit cards, or in some cases, echecks over paper checks. All forms of payment options are as good as the others but a comparison among them can help you decide which one is applicable for you and your needs.

People who are short in cash prefer the use of credit cards. This gives them the option of having cash available whenever they need it. An issuer lends money to the consumer to be paid to the merchant. Credit cardholders are able to revolve their balance at the cost of having interest charged. The use of credit cards also promises secure transactions. However, if you are always short of cash, make sure that you will also be able to pay for the purchases you make using your credit card as you wouldn't want your debt to pile up.

Debit cards, on the other hand, is an alternative method to cash when making purchases. Funds are directly withdrawn or collected from the cardholder's bank account using a PIN. This type of payment method is most commonly used in point-of-sale retail outlets like department stores, groceries and malls. You can also use debit cards to be able to make payments and purchases via phone or online. However, there is a set limit on the amount of money that can be withdrawn or the amount of money that is charged using a debit card. Aside from credit cards and debit cards, another form of payment option that is also widely used is the paper check.

A paper check is a written document directing a bank to pay money. Some banks offer debit cards and checking accounts in one combination. Although paper checks are widely used, some people find it impractical because of the costs involved in processing paper checks. Costs in processing paper checks fall into three categories namely supplies, handling and uncollected checks. Some surveys say that estimates for a lifetime cost of a paper check cycle ranges between $.75 to $3.00 per check. Likewise, paper checks are said to be forgiving of errors. Despite the errors that one can do when processing them, the chances of it getting processed, cleared and settled is still high. Businesses who use paper checks are also able to establish their own criteria in using them. Such criteria may include the need to require identification, use verification or guarantee services and even ship before or after payment.

Another form of payment option is the Automated Clearing House or the ACH. ACH was said to be developed to replace paper checks. When we say ACH, it refers to the name of an electronic network for financial transactions established in the United States. It processes large volumes of both credit and debit card transactions. ACH created a new form of system that includes its own terminology. A new set of business practices and rules were developed to manage transactions made through ACH. The ACH payment system can be used for a variety of options such as payroll deposits, government benefits and tax refunds, local tax payments, e-commerce payments and the like. Today, people are only beginning to get used to the whole ACH system.

Secure Electronic Transactions or SET are defined as a set of protocols used to facilitate credit card transactions over networks such as the Internet. Actually, it is not a payment system, rather, it is a set of security protocols that enable a user to utilize existing credit card payment system on an open network securely. The main purpose of SET is to enable a cardholder to pay for any purchase made from an Internet-based merchant more secure than using a point-of-sale transaction. It involves the cardholder, internet merchant and a payment gateway to facilitate the purchase.

Compared to the payment options mentioned above, home banking hasn't been all that successful. Although businesses offer this option, they are not the ones who directly handle the transactions. They outsource the transactions to notable providers such as Checkfree. Home banking works this way: the consumer gives a payment instruction to a financial institution. The payment instruction is then converted into two transactions namely, removal of funds from the cardholder's account and the payment to the payee.

Last but not the least are the use of electronic checks. More and more businesses nowadays provide echeck transactions. Echecks can be used for almost anything including point-of-sale payments and online business payments. Echecks are also not subject to restrictions as with the use of a credit or debit card. You can also be sure that every transaction you make using an echeck is processed fast and secure. Aside from being able to use it to make payments, echecks can also be used to receive payments. Echecks are also more convenient and low-cost than paper checks. Echecks are simply an online version of the paper check. Everything that you see on a paper check can be seen in an electronic check. Because of this, there is no need for new terminologies. If you have been using paper checks, using electronic checks will never be a problem. Moreover, the use of echecks can sometimes be directly exchanged between parties, eliminating the need for an intermediary. It can also carry substantial information relating directly to the payment. Now that you know the differences between each type of payment option, all you need to do now is analyze each system and choose which one matches your needs and expectations.

======== Elizabeth Murrow currently works for a payment processing solution company. Being in the business for quite a long time now, she has been continuously sharing her knowledge through various lectures and blogging, including http://allaboutecheck.wordpress.com and http://www.echeckprocessing.biz

There is another option and that is a secured debit card- The one world united master card has the benifits of a charge card but you set the limit of spending, it is a debit card but with more control and safety and seurity. More information is availabe for this safe option.

Things not to recycle - rubber with germs form china

"Things NOT to recycle

If the 21st century is truly destined to be 'The Chinese Century' as so many trend experts predict, we're in for a fairly disgusting and unhygienic hundred years. This little item should give you an idea of why.

Apparently, the future masters of planet Earth are recycling used condoms, and re- purposing them as cheap hair bands. Yes, you read that right: the Chinese are re-using CONDOMS as fashion items.

If you want to take a moment to go to the restroom and vomit, I'll wait.

This report comes from the Chinese state-run media, and should come as no surprise to anyone who's been following the recent spate of dangerous Chinese imports like lead- paint toys and toxic toothpaste that have found their way into American households. These hair bands have been found in local markets and beauty salons throughout southern China.

The fact that they sell for three cents for a bag of 10 probably accounts for their popularity. So they're saving some money – but at what cost? The condoms may still contain bacteria and viruses in spite of the fact that they've been recycled.

Excuse me. My turn to run to the bathroom.

Reporting all the gory details,

William Campbell Douglass II, M.D."

Things not to recycle - rubber with germs form china

"Things NOT to recycle

If the 21st century is truly destined to be 'The Chinese Century' as so many trend experts predict, we're in for a fairly disgusting and unhygienic hundred years. This little item should give you an idea of why.

Apparently, the future masters of planet Earth are recycling used condoms, and re- purposing them as cheap hair bands. Yes, you read that right: the Chinese are re-using CONDOMS as fashion items.

If you want to take a moment to go to the restroom and vomit, I'll wait.

This report comes from the Chinese state-run media, and should come as no surprise to anyone who's been following the recent spate of dangerous Chinese imports like lead- paint toys and toxic toothpaste that have found their way into American households. These hair bands have been found in local markets and beauty salons throughout southern China.

The fact that they sell for three cents for a bag of 10 probably accounts for their popularity. So they're saving some money – but at what cost? The condoms may still contain bacteria and viruses in spite of the fact that they've been recycled.

Excuse me. My turn to run to the bathroom.

Reporting all the gory details,

William Campbell Douglass II, M.D."

The 5 users you meet in hell (and one you'll find in heaven)

Relationships in business are like personal relationships. Having just been savaged by an essential monopoly such as a vampire telephone monopoly of Emily persuasion you get angry. Having wasted huge amounts of money and time with minor results is always frustrating .
Foolishly you lash out at those closest at hand . Bad idea -use that energy against your tormentors not your friends and allies. The moral of the story is to torment the tormentors not your allies . mvi

The 5 users you meet in hell (and one you'll find in heaven): "The 5 users you meet in hell (and one you'll find in heaven)
Lisa DiCarlo
December 12, 2007 (Computerworld) Ah, end users. We sure do love them. Why, most of us wouldn't have jobs without them. But that doesn't mean users don't drive IT crazy sometimes, or maybe most of the time.
Just as a zookeeper cares for his monkeys one way and his rhinos another (we kid -- sort of), so too should IT tailor its responses to fit the individual styles of its end users, support managers say.
One thing's for certain: Cordial or otherwise, interaction between support staff and end users is only expected to rise. Demand for IT support services continues to increase as new systems and applications are implemented, according to a 2006 survey by Supportindustry.com, which provides research and trend data to the customer support and help desk industries.
At the same time, some 43% of survey respondents said their budgets were either being cut or staying put -- meaning it's a fair assumption that IT help desks are stretched pretty thin these days. And that pressure only adds to an already demanding, difficult and sometimes thankless job.

A rogue's gallery of users (and one angel)

The Know-It-All
The Know-Nothing
Mr. Entitlement
The Finger-Pointer
The Twentysomething Whiz Kid
The Dream User"

Bring back the real Christmas by giving

This is a useful insight as to how to make a real difference by giving of yourself. Start by helping someone rather then braving the commercial malls and stressing yourself out for no good reason . MVI Really help someone in need do not support the commercial greed so stressful and un hristmas like. Giving is healing and better then receiving as the saying goes.

Thanks & Giving: All Year Long by Marlo Thomas and Friends.

"Include your children when you're talking about giving to charity. Bringing kids into the discussion shows them that we're all in this together."
‑‑Donald Trump

Keep three piggy banks in your room instead of just one. Then divide your money (whether it's your allowance, or a gift, or a reward for a chore you've done) this way:
• Piggy Bank #1: for spending on something to buy today (a CD?)
• Piggy Bank #2: for saving up for something expensive you really want (a bike?)
• Piggy Bank #3: for giving to help something you care about (the rain forest?)

"My father didn't have that much money, but he was a generous person. He taught me that if you don't have money, you can always give time."
‑‑Ted Turner

Turn your favorite hobby into an act of giving.
• Do you enjoy riding your bike? Then volunteer to deliver groceries to someone in your neighborhood who is housebound.
• Do you like working outdoors? Why not help an elderly neighbor weed her garden?
• Are you a born performer? Put on a show in your backyard to raise money for an after-school program.

"I believe that children who have a lot should think about kids who don't have as much. Children learn by watching their parents. We can teach them how to be generous."
‑‑Barry Diller

Next time Mom and Dad say to you, "What would you like for your birthday?" ask them if one present could be a contribution to a place where you can help make a difference. For example:
• An animal shelter
• The local science museum
• A place you think of

"Ask your children to make a pile of all the stuff they no longer use. Tell them how much it all cost and what new things they could buy with that amount of money. This will help them begin to understand the real value of a dollar."
‑‑Suze Orman

"Children should learn that there's more to life than ‑- you'll excuse the business term ‑- the bottom line. I was raised to believe that for everything you're given, there's always something to give back."
‑‑Sumner Redstone

Whenever you see something that makes you sad, don't get blue ‑- get busy.
• If you feel bad about people who are homeless, find out where the nearest shelter is and volunteer.
• If you know a child who uses a wheelchair, offer to help that child find easy ways to get to places he or she would like to go.
• If you've outgrown some of your favorite stuff ‑- clothing, toys, books ‑- find a place in your neighborhood that collects things for kids who can use it.

"Teaching a child to learn to give is like teaching someone a song ‑- you have to sing it for them first. We need to set the example. And if we're lucky, our kids will bring beautiful music into the world."
‑‑David Geffen

Whenever you see someone give time or money to help others, join in.
• If Mom is donating money to a cause, ask her whom it's for and how the money will help. Learn all about it.
• If Dad is lending his time to a local soup kitchen, tag along and tie on an apron. (Kids are allowed!)
• Log on to the internet. You're only a point-and-click away from finding out how to help a group whose work means something really special to you.
"Stay away from credit cards. If I had borrowed money at 18 percent when I was young, I'd be in the poorhouse now."
‑‑Warren E. Buffett

Excerpted from Thanks & Giving: All Year Long by Marlo Thomas and Friends. Copyright © 2004 by Thanks & Giving, LLC.

Simplify your finances

Online Checking Account, Bank Account, Internet, Pay Bills

useful information on the advantges of online checking accounts

1.The biggest advantage of online checking account is that you need not stand in a queue any more. Everything can be done right from the comfort of your home. You can do banking while sitting in front of your computer. There is no need to plan your daily schedule days ahead and considering that we are talking about a checking account in which case the payments need to be paid regularly, elimination of the need to visit the bank every time means a lot of time saving.

2. Another advantage of an online checking account is that the chances of fraud are way less. The entire process of online banking takes place under cloaks of heavy duty encryption. This means that the chances of forged checks or that of any other way of fraud become extremely low. You can be confident while writing checks.

3.Third advantage is that an online checking account is a much better option to make payments for your online purchases as compared to credit or wire transfer. You are not sharing crucial information like that of your credit card. Rather you are just writing a check just like in any traditional transaction. This means that an online checking account keeps you safe yet allows you to take advantage offered by online trading.

4.Fourth advantage of online checking account is that you can easily pay your bills and taxes. Most of the online checking accounts come with a facility that clears all your bills automatically as soon as they are pinged to your account. It is possible to make payments towards some of your taxes as well using the same bill pay service.

If you do not have a on line account you can also use your own secured master card debit card The One World United is a great option for you. For more information

Health Tip: Dressing for Warmth - Health and Medical Information Produced by Doctors - MedicineNet.com

Health Tip: Dressing for Warmth - Health and Medical Information Produced by Doctors - MedicineNet.com: "Health Tip: Dressing for Warmth (HealthDay News) - During the cold winter months, it's important to protect your skin from frostbite, chapping and drying. Dressing warmly and wisely can help keep you warm and spare your skin. Latest MedicineNet News Health Tip: Buying Athletic Shoes In-the-Field Facial Surgery Helps Injured Troops Experts Issue Guidelines on Diagnosing Seizure Rejuvenated Skin Cells Make Stem Cells Health Highlights: Oct. 18, 2007 The New York City Office of Emergency Management offers these suggestions before heading outdoors this winter: Retain body heat by keeping your head warm. Wear a scarf, hood or hat. Dress in layers to insulate yourself, and to make it easier to cool down if you get too warm. Use gloves, scarves, hats and earmuffs to keep extremities warm. Be especially sure to cover your ears, nose and fingers. Remove any clothing that gets wet, as it will only make you colder."

Vanity and not being properly dressed for the occasion can lead to misery -Don't you wonder why people -particularly youner ones are literally" cool" beause they do not dress for the season . MVI

From a male marriage and relationship guru targeting our readers

Amazingly -this came from an advertiser ( check the bottom of the blog and click) on this Venusian site obviously targeted against our female readers and sensitively supported by our male readers.Wow can relationships be that simple- particularly profound is why men do not listen and why female support is not necessarily effective.

The pitch-How to Be the Woman Men Adore ... and Never Want to Leave

Have you ever met the kind of woman ...

• that men fall hopelessly in love with
• with whom men want to spend all their time
• whom men want to please and do anything for
• who brings out the romantic and passionate side of a man; and
  to whom men want to give everything?

What special quality, trait, or personality does this woman have that attracts men like a magnet, makes men powerless in her hands, and makes them want to spend their lives with her?

I've personally met many women like this -- and here's the startling observation I've made: These women are not necessarily the most beautiful, the tallest, the smartest, the one with the most gorgeous hair, sexy legs or the most ample breasts, as one might think!

A look back in history reveals the likes of ...

... a divorcée (shocking in those days), Wallis Simpson, for whom the Duke of Windsor abdicated the throne of England;

... the early-twentieth-century French writer Colette (described as having
a "frightful" appearance), who managed to have numerous male conquests;

... Martha Gellhorn, the plain-looking scholar for whom Ernest Hemingway
became love-sick and never recovered;

... Mumtaz, for whom the Emperor Shah Jahan built the Taj Mahal;

... and the women throughout history who have won the hearts of Princes and Kings.

These women know the secret to creating magic with men. And here's the good news for you -- if you're like most women who struggle with relationship challenges. The ability to create magic with men is NOT really magic at all. It’s a skill which can be learned by any woman -- and that includes you!

Before I tell you how to acquire that secret skill (which already resides inside you, though dormant), let me ask you a question:

Why Do Most Women Struggle in Their Relationships with Men?

There are many reasons why women have relationship challenges, but as I mentioned before, the main reason is that women simply don't understand men. If a woman really understood men, she'd know how to effortlessly attract men like a magnet, make men powerless in her hands, have them fall in love with her, and give her everything her heart desires.

The main obstacle women face in their effort to understand men is that they turn to all the wrong things: They seek advice from their friends, and they rely on relationship advice from women's magazines.

By all means, seek the listening ear of a friend if you simply want to unburden -- and if talking to your friend makes you feel better. But always remember that talking to your friends results in deeper and better friendships with your friends -- but does little to improve your relationships with men.

Everything You Ever Learned About How to Attract and Keep a Man
is Wrong!

What if I told you that you could make a man adore you just by being yourself?

Yes, you don't have to be anything but yourself. There's just one condition. You also have to understand what a man wants.

Will Giving a Man What He Wants Get You What You Want?

My answer is a resounding "Yes!"

Here's the big secret. Men want to be enraptured by a woman. They may not admit it openly, but they want to be lured, finessed, bewitched, possessed and seduced by a woman -- and they don't mind surrendering to her siren maneuverings and be rendered powerless by her. A man would gladly give anything to the woman who can make him feel good.

Unfortunately, most women simply don't know how to make a man feel good. Believe it or not, the majority of women have the mistaken notion that learning a few sexual tricks and bedroom stunts from Cosmo and the Kama Sutra, or cooking him sumptuous meals "better than Mama ever made" ought to do the trick -- and their man would stay devoted to them forever.

That's an outdated mode of thinking derived from the old wives' tale that says "The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach" -- or his crotch, in most instances. If that were true, then sex therapists, prostitutes and professional chefs would have the best marriages, wouldn't they?
There's so much more to making a man feel good than meets the eye.

"Seduction" is 99% Mental Skills

While a woman's sexual skills and good cooking are always appreciated by men, seduction is 99% mental power. Over the years, I've wanted to teach this and other powerful relationship principles to more than just the female clients who are able to travel to my office in Georgia for relationship counseling.

So I devised a way to share my relationship principles so that women all over the world can learn to understand men and develop successful relationships with them – no matter where they live! So I've written a 119-page e-book titled The Woman Men Adore...and Never Want to Leave, wherein I reveal all the details of how you can entice a man, make him fall in love with you, and give you the world -- just by using closely guarded secrets that I've compiled over the last 17 years.

For example, on page 110, I reveal a very powerful technique that every woman (who wants to know how to inspire her man to consistently search for ways to please her) can use. It works like a charm. All you have to do is say 3 sentences to him -- I give the exact word-for-word "script". Once you say those words, it's like effortlessly casting a spell over him. He won't be able to get you off his mind -- and will look for every opportunity to please you.

Wouldn't you want to know what those 3 sentences are?

And if you think that's exciting, wait till you see all the other mouth-watering secrets I reveal in The Woman Men Adore...and Never Want to Leave. Take a sneak peek below:

5 things men crave that women don't know about -- Nothing in the world is more exhilarating for a man than these -- and if you give them to him, you'll have his undying devotion. (See pages 106-110)

The main reason why men choose to get married (or stay married) to a particular woman. This can be summed up in 5 words. Carve these words in your heart and never forget them. (See page 20)

The powerful ability a woman possesses that causes men to be interested in her -- even if she isn’t the tallest, smartest, or the most beautiful woman around. Not even looks, sex appeal, money, power, or prestige rate as high as this ability when it comes to making yourself irresistible to men -- and you can easily have it with a little practice. (See page 33)

Do you know what's the No. 1 "man repellant" in existence? Ignore this and you'll make him feel incapable of being your hero. This could very well be a major reason as to why "he's just not that into you." (See page 27)

How to speak in a way that hypnotizes a man into feeling safe so that he'll allow you to influence him with no resistance. (See page 16)

How to be yourself and still be loved by a man – I'll show you how to find the courage to be imperfect and be loved in spite of it -- and teach you how to remove the “layers’ that keep a man from knowing and loving you. (See page 64)

Pinpoint exactly what you’re doing that makes men NOT want to be close to you. How to tell if you're unknowingly sending off a signal that says "You can only get this close, and that's it." (See page 8)

How to make a man do what you want him to do – and make him think it was his idea! (See page 23).
How to influence or shape your man's opinion with the power of words -- even if he doesn’t see the need to change. How you influence him will affect his behavior toward you -- for better or for worse. (See page 97)

Discover the secret to making a man feel understood by you. Master this secret and you can ask your man for almost anything, and he’d be willing to give it. (See page 94)

How to use your femininity to disarm a man, break down his defenses -- and turn him into a caring and sensitive man you've always wanted. (See page 32)

How to master the art of perfect timing to get what you want in a relationship. (See pages 94-96)

Why you should not compete with your man -- and when to allow your man to be your superior. Even when you're capable of being his equal, trying to be his equal in certain areas will drive him away, and won’t lead to the intimacy you crave. (See page 73)

How to use your innate feminine power to make a man powerless to resist you. This is what separates women that men fall in love with from those that men ignore and take for granted. (See page 15)

The things a woman does that makes a man shut down and feel alienated from her. If you're doing these things, you may be sabotaging your relationship. (See page 34)


The kiss of death in a relationship -- and how to avoid it. (See page 96)

The ultimate secret that will give you more influence with men than you've ever imagined. This might sound silly -- but it works like magic when it comes to persuading men to your way of thinking. (See page 78)

The part of your body that serves as a strong elixir, which men want to be held captive to. No, it's not your breasts, legs or derrière. Use this part of your body to the hilt and you'll have him wrapped around your little finger. (See page 109)

How to make a man feel cherished by you, and as a result, he will want to spend more time with you and want to be around you more. (See page 94)

Why some women drive away good men or continually pick losers – How to tell the difference between impulses and feelings, so that you'll never again allow the intensity of impulses guide you to a poor choice in men. (See page 38)

How to be strong by being vulnerable - Women who know how to use vulnerability as a relationship device are always astonished by the impact they make on a man. (See page 10)

How to determine if you have “barbed wire around your heart” – and how to let that defensive weapon down and allow a man to love you. (See page 51-53)

How to take advantage of a man's natural predisposition to make him do everything possible to make you happy. (See page 72)

What do men really find attractive about a woman? A survey of hundreds of men reveals that it's not a woman's breasts, legs or derrière that they always consider more attractive. It's something you already have, and when you crank it up to mega-watt brilliance, you'll maximize your sex appeal. (See pages 33-34)

The No. 1 problem that couples face. This problem is like a cancer that permeates all other areas of your life -- and I show you 3 ways to overcome it. (See page 45)

Why Men Don’t Listen – The "Reflective Listening" technique you can do that will make a man eagerly listen to what you’re saying as if it were pure gold. (Page 103)

The 4 words that all women should memorize in order to have successful relationships with men. These words point to a fundamental difference between men and women that you must never forget. (See page 14)

The "Truth List" Exercise - A magical technique for uncovering the special qualities that men (and people in general) find attractive in you. This will enable you to allow those qualities to surface -- thereby boosting your confidence along the way. Men find confidence absolutely sexy! (See pages 61-62)
How not to let your past hurts sabotage your chance of having successful relationships. (See page 52)

Adversity builds character or new energy

use it or lose it -right

Adversity Builds Character (But I Prefer the View from the Top)
by Donald J. Trump

The issue of Inside Trump Tower that you will receive in two weeks will be our 100th issue! As always, it will be packed with good advice - and for that issue, a choice selection of a few popular articles from the past. To start that process today, we are proud to reprint this great article by our Chairman Donald J. Trump that first appeared on the Trump Blog in June 2005.

My greatest respect is for people who have experienced adversity and then come back. I was one of those people, in the early nineties. I went through a tough period and learned a lot about myself, and then came back bigger and better and stronger. It wasn't unlike what happened to Frank Sinatra in the early fifties. Like me, he lost focus. He took his eye off the ball and he made some bad decisions. (Also like me, it was the fairer sex that had a little something to do with his troubles, but that's another story for another time.)

There's a wonderful story in Sammy Davis Jr.'s book, Yes I Can. In this story Sammy, who is on the way up (due in no small part to Sinatra's patronage), sees Frank walking down Broadway all by himself, looking utterly dejected. At the time, Frank was on the skids, having gone from being the biggest singer ever known to a laughingstock, reduced to singing novelty songs.

It's a familiar scenario to me, because one night at 3:00 A.M., when I was more than $9 billion in debt, I was summoned to Citibank for a conference call with a bevy of international bankers to whom I owed money. It was pouring rain and I couldn't get a cab, so I had to walk to the bank, 15 blocks from Trump Tower. By the time I got there I was soaked. I felt then like I had reached my lowest point. But we worked things out, and the rest, as they say, is history. They also say it's darkest before the dawn. You know what I say: Never ever give up.

Six Ways Men Can Make Their Marriages Much Happier

Six Ways Men Can Make Their Marriages Much Happier Scott Haltzman, MD Brown University

Men often are told that to improve their marriages, they must share their hopes and fears with their wives and become more emotionally connected -- in short, that they must behave in ways that are totally unnatural for the average man.
Good news: There are steps men can take that will make their marriages happier but still let them be themselves...

1. Treat your wife like a business client. Many men say they don't know what's expected of them in romantic relationships -- yet the same men know what to do in business relationships. The two aren't as different as you might think.

If a client made you unhappy, you wouldn't fight with him/her. Instead, you would try to smooth things out. If this client made a crucial error, you would not criticize him -- you would try to help him recover. Overall, you would try to understand who your client is, what his goals are and how you can help him succeed.

Treat your wife like this, and you won't go too far wrong. Of course, don't tell her you're treating her like a client. Just do it!

2. Forget the golden rule. "Do to others as you would have them do to you" isn't the best advice for married men. When we treat our wives as we would like to be treated, we ignore the fact that our wives are quite different from us.

Forget whatever you think you know about what makes people happy, and observe your wife for a while. What does she really appreciate? What are her deepest interests and goals? Have your past gifts and gestures of love been on target? You might not have to work much harder to make your wife happier -- you might just have to stop doing things that you would appreciate if someone did them for you and start doing things she will appreciate.

Example: Buy her a greeting card when there's no special occasion, and inside write how much you love her and need her. Leave the card someplace she will stumble on it unexpectedly. Such a gesture would mean little to the average husband but lots to the average wife.

3. Do more than say "I'm sorry." A single "I'm sorry" won't balance the scales when you say something critical of your wife... dismiss her ideas or her feelings... or make her feel ignored. It will most likely take five positive interactions for every negative one before you're back to par.

According to research by the Gottman Institute, a Seattle-based couples therapy organization, marriages tend to be happy when spouses -- wives as well as husbands -- interact with each other in a positive manner at least five times as often as they interact in a negative manner. Positive interactions might include paying her compliments, saying, "Thank you" or "I love you," offering to do something for her, holding her hand or paying attention to her.

4. Master the makeup. The happiness of your marriage is not determined by whether you fight -- all couples do. It's determined by how well you patch things up afterward. Wait until you cool down -- that typically takes about 20 minutes -- then make a peace offering. Bring her a cup of tea... say you're sorry you argued... or tell her that you love her. Such gestures generally help couples get past the fight fast and back to the happy marriage.

Helpful: Makeups are easier if you avoid the four mistakes that turn arguments into lingering problems -- criticizing, showing contempt, acting defensive and stonewalling (shutting down when your partner reaches out to you).

5. Seek your wife's opinion. Wives often feel that they don't have an equal voice in the decision-making. As far as most husbands are concerned, the issue isn't who is making the decisions, but whether the correct decisions are being made. Still, you can make your married life happier if you seek your wife's approval on your ideas, even when you believe you're right. Who knows? Maybe she is right. Don't dismiss her opinion out of hand -- even when it isn't feasible. Instead, say something positive about the idea, then later express disappointment if together you "discover" that it won't work.

Example: She wants to fly across the country to visit your daughter next month. You know the trip won't fit into your budget. Rather than tell her no and invite her anger, establish that you're on her side. Say something like, "I always love to see our daughter. Let's see if we can afford it." Together, review the family's finances, and let her make the decision that you can't afford to go -- or perhaps she'll think of a clever way so that you can afford it.

6. Do some cleaning. Most wives think their husbands should help more with housework. Many husbands think they do so much work around the yard and with the car that housework isn't their responsibility. Who's right? Studies by University of Michigan Institute for Social Research show that husbands are. When work hours both inside and outside the home are added up, even husbands who don't help with the cleaning often put in about as many hours of effort as their wives.

Unfortunately, if you try to argue this point, you're sure to lose. You can either spend your life bickering about whether you get enough credit for your contributions -- working long hours at the office, tending the lawn and handling the car repairs -- or you can do some housework and have a happier marriage. To make your wife really happy, figure out which household task is her least favorite and do it without being asked.


Scott Haltzman, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University, Providence. He is a psychiatrist in private practice in Barrington, Rhode Island, and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever (Jossey-Bass). www.drscott.com
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Comment by MVI As a man inundated with requests to be more sensitive , the above advice makes sense.
Happiness is a trade off . The key is to be happy in your relationship not righteous and miserable because your partner thinks you are insensitive to her needs.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another useful tip


How to Find Lost Objects -- Fast Michael Solomon

One of life's persistent aggravations is misplacing everyday objects, such as keys, cell phones and reading glasses. You wind up wasting time ransacking the house in a frenetic search. Michael Solomon has studied how things get lost and how best to find them. His strategies...

Identify the Eureka Zone. The majority of lost objects tend to travel no more than 18 inches from their last known locations. I call this the Eureka Zone. Examples: A pencil that has rolled beneath your computer. Eyeglasses hidden under today's newspaper.

Whenever I lose something, I explore the Eureka Zone meticulously.

"Lose" another object. If you happen to drop and lose sight of an object that has one or more identical counterparts (such as a screw or an earring), try purposely dropping a second one and watching where it goes. This gives you an estimated radius for how far the first object might have rolled or bounced.

Make sure you are not staring right at it. When you're feeling rushed and agitated, your vision literally narrows. This is why your spouse or a friend often finds the lost object as soon as he/she joins in the search. You can improve your focus by taking a few deep breaths and repeating to yourself the name of the lost object over and over -- "car keys, car keys, car keys" -- which keeps you from becoming distracted from the task at hand.

Also, the object may look different than you imagine. Example: My friend couldn't find a hardcover book that he needed. We searched his apartment in vain until I grew suspicious of his description and began to examine the paperbacks on his bookshelf. There was the book, a paperback, in plain sight.

Check whether you've substituted one routine motion for another. Instead of being where it's supposed to be, your object may be where something else is supposed to be. This often happens in the kitchen. Example: You normally keep scissors in a jar on the kitchen counter, but you mindlessly returned them to the tool drawer.

It's also a problem when filing items. Example: You file your Bruce Springsteen CD under "B," instead of "S."

See if the object has been borrowed. Is it something that your spouse or your coworkers may have used since the last time you saw it? Ask before you drive yourself crazy looking.


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Health Tip: Make the Holidays More Meaningful on Yahoo! Health

Health Tip: Make the Holidays More Meaningful on Yahoo! Health: "Health Tip: Make the Holidays More Meaningful By HealthDay - Thu Nov 22, 8:44 PM PST"

some good tips here to make the holiday a quality real experience